My Attempt on Stopping Myself from Living for the Weekend

I have always been a weekend warrior.

With a full time job and a pretty hectic schedule, I find it nearly impossible to make the most out of a day -- pretty much because I feel like I'm already knocked out by the time that I am 'free' to do side jobs or passion projects. It wasn't until lately that I decided to stop living for the weekend, and instead, try to go through the days one by one. I know I'm still far from what I hoped I would have been doing, but I guess trying and putting an effort to make a difference is something worth noting for. I honestly think that it's better to start something than standing up on the starting point, waiting for a miracle to happen.

But wait...

For me, it means that when I start Monday, I automatically count the days towards Friday. For me, it means that I view the weekday as something that I just have to survive and endure. It means that the only time that I could do something significant is during the weekend and the days building up to it is nothing but fleeting -- no significance, no importance, just time passing through.

There are, of course, some exceptions, but generally, I consider myself as someone who lives for the weekend. I'm not saying that I don't like my work, because honestly, I do find some happiness on accomplishing my endless tasks, but I guess it just feels a bit different pursuing happy projects and side trips, which I am only free to do so during my days off from work.

A couple of days ago, I was supposed to attend a goal setting workshop, which I unfortunately missed because of some personal (and rather untimely) circumstances. Anyhow, one of the pre-handed assignments for the workshop was to think of the things that you wanted to achieve in the next couple of months. I listed down "living everyday" as one of my goals, pretty much because I felt like I didn't gave enough significance to the other days of the week. What I wanted to achieve really is to create small steps that would break the usual programming without sacrificing my productivity and job.Meaning to say, I don't plan on resigning and taking a step towards freedom to do what I wanted just YET, but I plan to create little changes in order for me to head towards my personal goal. It's a process and I know I can't do it overnight, but the little things have helped me to realign my goals and create a foreseeable timeline for myself. It's not that I'm pressuring myself to achieve things, it's more of motivating myself to work on the things that I wanted and reminding myself that I would get there if I would just keep on pushing.

I've already taken small steps since the start of August, and I hope to be consistent with my choices until it became a habit. I am still far from my goal for this month, but I am getting there (I hope).

One of the things that helped me out on creating my month's goal is to reassess how I use my time. According to Arriane's podcast, it's one of the first steps in order to pursue a happy project. I decided to take a look at what I do most of the time, and a huge chunk actually goes to mindlessly browsing my social media accounts, specifically Facebook. So, as my attempt on creating more control with myself, I decided to delete the FB and Snapchat app from my phone, as they are the apps that I spend most of my time browsing. (I am having a hard time updating my snapchat anyway because my phone is getting ancient, so I deleted it altogether) I realized that the reason why Facebook was so addicting was because of the content that people post, as well as the fact that it has almost everything -- videos (I loved watching Buzzfeed vids via Facebook), images, curated photos from random pages, blog updates, etc. It has taken so much of my time that sometimes, I would lose track of time and get up from bed later than I intended. So far, it's working pretty well. I'm no longer checking my phone as often as before, and I would usually allocate my time on the road to reading e-books instead of watching funny videos over FB. I'm halfway through my second book for the month, and I'm really happy with this small progress.

Another step that I've taken was to write down my goals and look back at them when I feel like I'm starting to get lost. I'm not saying that I got my life figured out, but I did try to create a timeline for my life, and it did help me on keeping myself on track. I got this tip from Camie, and so far, it had worked wonders. I mentioned about my 6 year plan on my previous post, and although my goals for the next few years are still hazy, it did help me to keep myself from curling up in bed and crying, not knowing what I wanted. I am still pretty lost, but at least I have a road map of sorts, which I can look back and contemplate upon.

I have long decided to burn bridges with people who don't do me any good, and it have helped me on sparing unwanted feelings, and instead refocusing these energy into creating something better. Instead of being all sappy about not having a best friend and all my dramatic litany, I decided to surround myself with people who makes me happy. I have also decided to focus on the brighter side of things instead of dwelling on all the bad vibes that other people may have caused me. Of course, I'm still practicing the art of not giving a f*ck, but I guess I'm doing so much better, compared to my younger self. Pat on the back, older self.

Another thing that I am practicing is having short term goals, which are easy to accomplish, but would help me achieve something bigger in the long run. For an instance, I have decided to be more mindful of what I eat, and I am slowly getting rid of junk for the past few days. It's not easy, especially whenever I am with Mark, but it does help me to control my cravings on a daily basis. I am not stopping myself from indulging into good food, but at least I am a little bit more aware on what I eat.

Last but not the least, I have decided to make time for the things that matter. I know I am still bad at time management, but with the help of self motivation and daily reminders, I feel like I am having a better grasp on what I'm doing with my life. I have always believed that if you want something, you have to MAKE TIME FOR IT and not wait for the right time for things to happen (this is how I exactly convinced Mark to start The Dream Shirt), and I still believe on that philosophy. I remember reading somewhere that to start a habit, you have to do it everyday, no matter how bad the circumstances are. And right now, I am trying my best to form simple habits that would be a great help for my self betterment.

So, why am I doing this? I am actually an over thinker, and I have a really bad case of anxiety, that I worry a little too much from what's healthy. And during the past few months, I have been worrying about a lot of things, things that made me question my life choices and routine. I have been having issues with what's in front of me, and I guess I just decided that I've had enough -- enough thinking, enough worrying -- and it felt like I needed to change my perspective and instead try to do something about my life. I have been passive-aggressive to most of my goals in life, and I'm not getting any younger to let things fall into all the wrong places because of my doing. Sure, I'm young, and I still have a long way to go, but I guess being young is not an excuse to be unhappy and to stop trying on finding your purpose. Most of us are lost when they are in their 20s, and I know what I'm feeling is normal, but I guess I just know it in my heart that I can do something about my situation, even if it's just the small steps (for now).

I guess I just decided to live my life everyday, because really, what is life if you don't live it?

Now be inspired from these grandmas, trying to sky dive for the first time.